Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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