I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
They have beer where we have blood.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
