I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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