Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
