i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
