You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
