Betty ford says i'm here all night
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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