I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Congratulations! We have a period
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