Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
im on a boat
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