He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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