I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
