I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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