Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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