nut hugger
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
