the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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