Your dad touched me again.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
