Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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