the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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