i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
