i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
