dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
