Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
