I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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