i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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