we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
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