I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
