I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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