i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
