the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
