Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
