Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize