Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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