tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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