Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I had to cum in my sink.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
