I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
