just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
