You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
