so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
