SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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