R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
