Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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