You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
