The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
