yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
