guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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