I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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