Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
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I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
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The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
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