My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Two words: blizzard sex
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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