respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
