i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
