Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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