I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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