Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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