Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
