i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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