My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
