Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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