why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
