You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
