Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
