Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
