I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
