Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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