and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
