dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
