have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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