So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
