You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
