My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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