I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
