why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
