i'm signing you up for texting rehab
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
