Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
